The Late Afternoon, Country Back Roads, Picture Show

I bought ingredients to make shrimp curry last night, so of course all I want to eat today is a cheeseburger.  There is very little in the culinary world that compares with the contrasting simplicity of fresh, raw onions atop warm, juicy, (and bloody of course) ground beef.  Add a squirt of ketchup and mustard to remind me of my childhood. 

            I want barbecue, and tacos.  And basically everything that I don’t have in my freezer right now, because I’m just not in the mood for ham or sausage.  (The sausage I’m actually saving for summer camping—made out like a bandit at Best of the Wurst last month.) 

            Right now the shrimp is thawing, and the coconut milk is firming up in the fridge.  When I get home I will sauté the shrimp with garlic and shallots in coconut oil while the curry paste and coconut milk melt in a crock pot with fish sauce and chicken stock.  I like to slice up a red bell pepper into cute thin strips, and grate a few carrots in the mix.  And of course, tons of cilantro and garlic chili paste to top it off.  Cilantro and Sriracha on everything, please. 

 
Part the Second in the Saga of “What am I Gonna Do with All this Fucking Ham”
Ham Viennese

This is a dish that my mom made a lot when I was a kid.  It’s simple—throw-everything-in-a-skillet-and-heat-it-up simple.  And addicting.  Something about the combination of condensed cream of chicken soup, sour cream, white wine, and fresh dill gives the sauce a stand-out flavor profile.  Sauté the ham, onions, and celery; throw everything on top of brown rice, and that’s lunch for the week.  The last step in the recipe is adding a jar of pimentos, which I never realized until I was a grown up and my mom gave me the full recipe; she never used them.  They add a pop of color and just the right amount of spice and finish the dish nicely, but Local Harvest doesn’t carry them and I didn’t feel like going to a second store so this time I just went without.

Part the Third in the Ham Saga

Cheesy Ham and Potato Casserole 

Another easy one:  dump-everything-in-the-crock-pot-and-go-drink-beer-for-the-next-four-hours easy. 

            Ham:  check.

            Hash browns:  check.

            Cheddar:  check it.

            Cream of chicken soup:  chee-eck.

            Sour cream:  double check.

            Top with a box of stuffing mix and melted butter:  dear lord yes.

 

            Because I love vegetables—and am easily distracted by brightly colored objects—roasted beets and roasted butternut squash on the side.  Look at ‘em.  Glittering like jewels in the late afternoon sunlight filtering in through my dingy kitchen window.  Ahh . . . city livin’.   

Part Whatever I Just Want to get Rid of this Damn Ham Already

Broccoli-Cauliflower Salad

So easy.  As in, don’t-turn-on-the-stove-don’t-even-preheat-the-oven-leave-the-pots-and-pans-in-the-cabinet.  All you have to do is chop.  No cooking required!  A head of cauliflower, 1-2 bunches of broccoli, a small purple onion or two large shallots (shallots > onions), 2 cups cheddar, 12 oz. fried and crumbled bacon.  (Okay so I guess you have to cook the bacon but today I’m using 3 cups of ham, which is totally the same thing, right?)  The recipe calls for 12 ounces of bacon because they know that you’re going to fry up the whole pound since you’ve already got the skillet out, and you won’t be able to resist a few nibbles whist chop-chop-chopping away. 

            The dressing is 3 cups Miracle Whip (I know, I know; just trust me on this), 3 tablespoons vinegar, and 1/3 cup sugar.  Toss everything together and let the flavors marry overnight.

            This dish is great to take to a spring barbecue, or . . .

            LAMB ROAST!!! 

Hello little buddies!  Ya’ll look good enough to eat.

            This is my friend Ally’s cousin’s farm in Dixon, Missouri. 

They have chickens:

And mules larger than horses:

And a dog named Sally.

 

           The lambs we feast upon were slaughtered last November, so sadly all the gory stuff was already taken care of.  Ally’s cousin grills the backstraps and lamb chops with minimal seasoning.  The process of arranging, seasoning, flipping, seasoning again, and removing them takes less than 10 minutes.  He lets me take the plate of chops around to share with everyone.  They are very lamby, very gamey, because they hadn’t been marinated or soaked in buttermilk.  I like knowing that I’m eating a farm animal; I prefer not to mask its animalness in strongly seasoned marinades.  Not everything needs to taste like Chicken McNuggets™.  (In all my days cutting meat, I have yet to locate the “McNugget™” inside a chicken carcass.)  This might be why my favorite cut of steak is sirloin; it’s known to be more cowy tasting than others.  (I am very much enjoying all these words I am making up in this paragraph.  It’s okay, I have an English degree; I’m allowed.)  Crusted with a mixture of blue cheese, horseradish, and panko; seared then baked; it is wonderful. 

           There is also pulled lamb done in a pressure cooker, and two crock pots full of lamb stew.  And of course, plenty of sides and desserts.  I go with the salad trio:  potato salad, pasta salad, and ramen noodle salad.  All salads, therefore all healthy.  I eat dessert too fast to take a picture; I have a blueberry tart of some sort, and pound cake with strawberries and whipped cream.  All desserts have fruit in them, therefore all desserts count as fruit.  (You see how my mind works?  My logic is irrefutable.  Irrefutable!)

Time for an after-dinner cruise around the countryside. 

 

 Your chariot awaits, my dear.

The most picturesque farmland that Missouri has to offer.

 

What farm is complete without a fire truck?

 

Yep that’s a shopping cart; it’s how they feed the fish.  They put raw meat in there; it rots and attracts maggots; the maggots get fat and fall off into the water.  Yum yum.

 

A lovely end to a lovely day.  You know it’s a good weekend if you have to pull ticks off yourself when you get home.