Friday, February 22, 2013

Have Knives, Will Travel - Part I

It is Valentine’s Day.  I am standing in a pool of blood, a heavy pile warm viscera at my feet.  Sunlight struggles through a few grimy windows overhead; rusty metal doors creak on their hinges, nudged back and forth by the crisp late winter breeze.  The smell of farmland (read:  manure) is faint, yet constant, and somehow . . . comforting.  In this moment, I am right where I’m supposed to be. 

THE DRIVE DOWN
 
“Hey Mom, it’s me.”
“Oh hi!”
“I just wanted to remind you that I’m going out of town this week.”
“Oh that’s right, where’re you going again?”
“Sainte Genevieve.”
“When are you coming back?”
“Valentine’s Day.”
There is a slight pause on the other end of the line, then a protracted sigh.  “You know I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”
“. . . I know.”
“Well just be careful and call me when you get there.”
My mother is a very sweet, supportive person, but she doesn’t quite get why her only daughter wants to play with knives and dead animals in her free time.  
This week I am moonlighting at an independent slaughter/butcher shop an hour south of St. Louis.  I have a new friend named Eli who works part time in St. Louis—not far from the shop I work at—but lives in Sainte Gen and has a job butchering down there.  He talked to the boss at his shop, and told me they’d let me come down for a few days and teach me some stuff I don’t know. 
I’ve been envisioning this trip as my “make it or break it” . . . it’ll push me one way or the other—I’ll either love it or be completely repulsed by it.  I don’t really predict the latter happening, but sometimes a person doesn’t know where their line is until they’ve been pushed to the very limit.
There will be heavy hazing, or so I’ve been warned.  The dynamic in this shop is vastly different from that of my own—these guys pester, plague, and prank each other morning, noon, and night.  I wonder whether I’m actually going to learn anything, or if it’s just going to be three days of a bunch of guys messing with me. 
I have a brief moment of panic on the drive down because . . . Eli and I really don’t know each other very well . . . at all.  So this could go really well . . . or really, really horribly. 

DAY 1

            Eli and I pull up to the shop around 9am.
            “You ready for this?”
            Exasperatedly I sigh, “No . . .” but get out of the car anyways. 
            I go in the front, he goes in the side.  I begin my first assignment.
            A large young man approaches from the back of the shop.  “Hello, what can I do for you?”
            “Well, I’ve never been here before . . . and I was looking for some meat.”
            “What kind of meat?”
            “Well your case is empty so it’s kind of hard to decide.  What kind ya got?”
            “Um . . .”
            I interrupt him, “What’s this ‘Fire Sale’ all about on your sign there?”
            “Oh, that.  That’s a joke.”
            “Well why’s it on the sign then?”
            He seems a little bit flustered.  “Because I can’t get anyone to take it down.”
            “But what if that’s what I want?


“Um—” 
            What if I want seventy-five percent off some grass-fed beef?

            “. . . I smell a joke here.”
            I can’t contain my smile anymore.  “I warned Eli that I’m no actress.”
            Just then Eli finally walks by.  “Aw man, ya gave up already??”
            “He already called me out on it!”
            He rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Whatever.  Evan, this is the chick I told you about; she’s gonna be workin’ with us this week.”
            We shake hands, and head deeper into the shop.          

Evan is a 22-year-old Fundamentalist Christian farm boy who still lives with his parents.  Eli thought it would be funny to tell him that I, too, am Fundamentalist, because he was hoping to talk me into hitting on Evan.
            “Are you fucking kidding me???  I’m like walking blasphemy!”
            “Come on,” Eli pleads.  “It’ll be really funny.”
            “You’ve got the wrong girl, dude.”
            We go round in circles about this for a while; in my mind, the matter is settled—non-negotiable.  Eli doesn’t give up so easily.  He really doesn’t know me.  Guess he’ll just have to find out the old-fashioned way.   

            The shop is laid out so that first you walk into a retail area, which contains a non-functioning meat case and inaccurate pricing signs; then there is a small break room-type area with microwave, refrigerator, coffee maker, chairs, and a table on which rests an unused deli slicer.  This is also where they store towels, aprons, and rubber boots, and where we stow our stuff for the day.  Today a crock pot filled with pork steak chili is cooking away next to the microwave.  The chef responsible for this feast—the boss—stands next to it, waiting to be introduced to me.  His name is Rob, he’s a little older—though not much—Catholic, but still he seems like a cool guy.  From what Eli tells me, he doesn’t spend much time in the shop.  “Gallivanting” is the word used to describe Rob’s workday activities. 
The next room I guess would be considered the cutting and packaging room:  a long stainless steel table runs along one side; meat grinder, bone saw, sausage stuffer on the other; and there’s a big sink at the back.  Evan has already returned to his place at the bone saw, breaking down a portion of cow that looks heavier than me.  A short, older guy working quietly next to him is introduced to me as Travis.  There is a freezer for packaged orders; a cooler for beef and one for pork (and other meat when they have it—they also do deer, poultry, even goat); all the meat is dry-aged however long the customer requests it. 
The last room is the Kill Floor, which resembles a warehouse:  concrete floors with drains in the middle, dingy windows, large rusted apparatus dominating one corner, blades and meat hooks shining along the walls, rails, pulleys, and chains hanging from the high ceiling.  A heavy door leads to the livestock pens out back. 
We conclude our tour and return to the packing room to find that Sawyer, the last crew member, has finally arrived.  Sawyer is the resident atheist, rocks plaid shirts, ear buds, and a beard down to his chest.  I can already tell he and I are going to get along just fine.
            Eli regales him with the tale of how I fell short in my attempt to hassle Evan over the “Fire Sale” sign.
            I protest, “Hey I had him going for a little while, but I told you I’m no good at lying . . . I tried to channel my inner cunt and failed miserably.”
            Sawyer points at me excitedly, “She said ‘cunt’!  That means it’s fair game!”
            The whole “cunt” renaissance started a few months ago when I ran into David at a party.  One of his friends accidentally spilled my drink, and David called me “the c-word.”  At first, I was rabidly indignant—as can rightfully be expected.  But then I thought, ‘Cunt,’ really?  That’s all you got?  A word?  Well then I’m gonna own that shit.  I’ll be the biggest cunt you’ve ever seen.
            It’s just a word, same as any other.  The only power it has over someone is the amount of power they give it.  The more you say it, the more you remove the stigma of “cunt.”  If nothing else, Evan probably no longer believes I’m a Christian.   

            There is only one pig in the Kill Log for today, which unfortunately means I won’t be doing any slaughtering.  It also means that I’d better pay attention, since we only get one go at this.  They typically only do hogs on Wednesdays—Tuesdays and Thursdays are cattle days—but they don’t have any cattle on the book for today, so we’re hunting swine instead. 
I slip on rubber boots, walk out the side door and around to the pens.  The day is cold and sunny, but the back of the building is in a frigid shade.  The lone pig perks up when she sees me.  I don’t get too close at first; don’t want to spook her.  Eli barges through the rusty metal door with a loud bang.  So much for not spooking her.  I decide to get as close as possible to see as much as I can.  He steps into the pen and she is backing away, then pushing forward, sticking her snout through the bars, eyes locked on mine.  He doesn’t bear down on her threateningly, but tries to coax her gently, “Hey . . . hey . . . hey. . . .”  They go around and around for a little while, then he backs her in a corner and gets her in the middle of the forehead with the gun.  Her eyes roll up in her head, she collapses in a series of kicking spasms, blood leaks from her nose. 
            “She’ll kick for a while; let’s go have some coffee.”
            I’m walking away but I don’t want to look away.  Later on, Eli said I had a weird look on my face and asked what it meant.  Honestly I don’t know.  I was trying to figure out what I felt, because I thought certainly I’d feel something.   

            We don rubber aprons and latex gloves in addition to our rubber boots; things are going to get bloody.  I wait in the Kill Floor while Eli goes out back to get the pig.  He returns, dragging the pig by a chain around one of its trotters, a trail of thick mucus trickling from its mouth.  The pig is hoisted up by the chain using a mechanized pulley system.  Eli sticks a knife straight into the middle of her throat, and a stream of blood bursts forth, steaming in the chill winter air.  She is bled out and rinsed off with a hose.
            We take her down and lay her on her back; her hooves prop up like a begging dog.  First things to come off are the trotters.  Slice across the joint until clear fluid comes out, then get your knife in and slice through all the cartilage; bend it to the side and snap it off.  You have to be careful with the back ones because there is a tendon on the back (comparable to our Achilles) that will hold the entire pig’s weight when we hoist it back up again. 
            Then we begin skinning her.
            Normally, if they had more pigs to do, they would use the scalder—the previously mentioned apparatus occupying a large part of the Kill Floor.  Imagine a piggy Jacuzzi:  it’s a big vat of hot water used to soften the skin so the hair comes off easier.  For removing the hair, they use the second part of that apparatus:  imagine . . . a giant piggy spanking machine . . . okay don’t imagine that . . . there’s really no nice way of saying it’s a bunch of paddles that smack all the hair off.  So then you’re left with a hairless pig and you can use the skin for cracklings. 
            We are not using the scalder, however, so we begin skinning her at the stubs where her trotters used to be.  This piggy also has a ruptured belly—a softball-sized bulge in her stomach filled with god knows what kind of rancid bodily fluids—that we have to work around.  I do not want to puncture that, so Eli cuts around it, and then slices it off. 
Skinning an animal is actually not that difficult.  The tough part is getting started, but once you have the skin slit down the insides of the legs and all the way down the belly, you can see that the seams that hold an animal’s muscles together are the same seams that hold the skin on.  You just have to peel the skin back a bit until you see all the little white whispy membranes, and then you cut them.  And then you peel, and then you cut, and you just follow the little white whispies, and it’s like the pig is skinning itself—it shows you the way. 
As the meat is exposed, I can see some of the muscles twitching erratically.  Huh . . . so that’s a thing.  I mean, this animal was alive not too long ago; it is still warm.  Working with warm meat is new to me; it’s different, but not unnerving.  It’s sort of . . . comforting, in a way.  I continue to use the term “intimate” almost every post to describe what it’s like getting inside (literally) our food.  And that’s the word; I mean, there is no better moniker for it.
            While I’m skinning away, Eli takes the tongue out of the hole he made in the throat earlier.  He hums under his breath, almost imperceptibly, as he works.  Then he takes off the jowls—ooh!  This one I know!  Let me do it!—I wish I’d spoken up, because he was not as gentle and precise with the face bacon as Foster taught me to be.  I want to yell, “Aaah!  That’s precious, don’t you know?!?!”  He doesn’t do it wrong by any means; he just doesn’t possess the reverence that I do from knowing what wonderful culinary creations can be coerced from pig jowl.  Plus, he’s been butchering for so long I bet he can do it in his sleep.  By this point he’s completely mutilated the neck; it is just one huge bloody unrecognizable laceration, but that will make it easier to remove the head. 
            He makes a cut all the way around the neck, then twists the head and crack-crack-crack breaks it off.  I stop what I’m doing and straighten up.  That . . . was . . . awesome.
            We hoist her up a little higher—up to this point, her head was still on the ground because neither one of us is particularly tall—and open up the chest cavity.  The only part of this whole experience that made me briefly wrinkle my nose was the first time I watched Eli skin around the tail and sphincter area, but all I thought was, Well of course there’s still poop in there.  He then comes back to the open body cavity and knifes around behind all the organs to release everything; the kidneys stay inside; we remove and keep the heart and liver; take the gall bladder off.  He has me throw everything else in the Gut Room.
“Don’t fall in the Gut Room”—Eli’s favorite phrase for someone lugging viscera into the barrels. 
Yeah they have a Gut Room.  Guess what goes in there?  The floor of the Gut Room sits about four feet below the floor of the kill room . . . however, the tops of the barrels sit just above the floor of the kill room, so you can’t just kick everything down into a barrel, you have to lift it, then drop it.  And seven full cow stomachs with intestines attached . . . not like tossing out your usual bag of rubbish.  Another disadvantage of the Gut Room:  once you get the heavy stuff into a barrel, the intestines will follow like a snake’s tail, but due to that barrel height, the very end of the train of offal flips upwards as it slips in, flinging intestinal goo upwards at a high rate of speed, so you have to get your face out of the way pretty fast as well, otherwise you get a mouth full of innard slop. 
            The pig is then cut in half down the spine with a small electric saw, rinsed off, weighed, and rolled into the cooler by way of the rail system hanging from the ceiling. 

            Soon as we set foot in the packing room, the guys start railing on us—especially the boss. 
            “Never seen anybody take over an hour just to do one pig!”
            Eli shrugs, “Wha—I had to teach her!”
            “Yeah, he had to walk me through it.”
“Don’t . . . get . . . pissy,” Rob says with a devious little half-grin.
            I retort sarcastically, “Then don’t be a dick!”
            A collective “Ooooh!” of approval goes up from the rest of the group. 
Rob says, “This one pushes back; I like her.” 

            We eat the boss’s chili for lunch, as well as some homemade pizza Eli cooked.  To show off what my shop can do, I brought our smoked beef tenderloin and house-made horseradish sauce to dip it in, our beef jerky, Burt’s Creole (jambalaya, sort of), and some of the house-cured, cold-smoked sassafras bacon you may recall from “Sizzling,” as well as deer sausage I got from a guy at my day job.   

            The rest of the day is spent in the packing room.  The insults fly fast and furious around here; I wish I had a better memory and could’ve written down more of the good jabs we took at each other. 
Evan is the only one who works the bone saw—because he’s the only one with health insurance—he handles the big stuff.  I watch him do a few sides of beef; he is as deft with the bone saw as the others are with their knives.  He pretty much breaks down an entire quarter of beef using the saw.  Nobody requests tenderloins; everyone orders steaks, which is odd to me because we can’t keep the case stocked with tenderloin at my shop, it sells so well.  (“My” shop . . . I take a lot of pride in comparing the two, though they are nothing alike.  But at least I can brag that I didn’t come into this blind; I have experience, I’ve had my hands inside a dead animal before.) 
Travis bones out everything that doesn’t get made into steaks, cuts the big chunks into stew meat, everything else goes for the grind, which Eli is currently manning.  They throw a lot of fat into the grind; they call it 85% lean and double grind it—it comes out quite pink.  You may recall Tommy shaking a tenderloin strap at me, explaining how our chuck is some of the best in town.  Very little fat goes into ours, and it’s typically dark red after being triple-ground.  They also have something called Cube Steak down here, which I’d never heard of before:  it’s tenderized steak (run through a cuber—quicker than using a mallet) that’s typically used for making chicken-fried steak.  Sawyer and I wrap and stamp everything for the freezer; he keeps a dutiful eye on me so I don’t screw anything up.
            We’re all discussing our plans for the evening.  Rob is going to his daughter’s volleyball game. 
            Eli salaciously inquires, “The hot one?”
            Rob rolls his eyes, “Yes, ‘the hot one.’”  This is a game they have played before.  The daughter in question is 15. 
            “Why would you want to go do that?  Watching girls play sports is boring.” 
            Eli knows I am an athlete.  And I know he’s saying this just to be a dick, see what kind of reaction he’ll get out of me.  So I decide to play along.  I freeze my entire body, fix on a deadpan expression, and slowly turn around until I see Eli, who has stopped grinding in anticipation of my response, wearing a shit-eating grin on his face.  I can only glare at him for a few seconds before I succumb to laughter.
            From over my shoulder, Sawyer says, “That was awesome; I got to see that whole thing.”
            “So she can get offended!” the boss adds.
I am not the first female they’ve ever had in this shop, though you wouldn’t know it based solely on the way they act around me; guess I just bring out the best in everyone. 
            Cleanup starts around 3:30 or 4:00 and takes about an hour.  The Kill Floor gets sprayed down with bleach; the packing room gets disassembled, scrubbed down, and rinsed; I offer to do dishes since that, at least, is familiar to me.  Despite the latex gloves I wore in the bleach-heavy water, I think the water was so hot that I actually burned all the tips of my fingers.  Instead of complaining, I offered to do dishes the second and third days as well.  The boss comes by and sets a can of Busch next to me.  My eyes widen in confusion, surprise, and glee.
            “. . . Do you want the beer?” he asks, unable to decipher my expression.
            “Uh . . . wuh—yeah!” I stammer.  Best.  Boss.  Ever.  A girl could get used to this.
            Thus ends day one in the adventures of The Traveling Butcher’s Apprentice.  Stay tuned, kiddos, we’ve still got two more days to get through.


And, just because I don’t have any pictures to share from the first day, here’s a photo of my new apron.

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